The Next Big Thing

Big Thanks to Shannon Lee L. Pacaoan for tagging me in her Next Big Thing post.  The Next Big Thing is a network that allow writers the opportunity to share a completed project or work-in-progress by answering a set of questions. Today, I’ve decided to share about my music!

Where did the idea come from for the book?
Since I have been super busy with Drama Therapy school at CIIS, I haven't had time to work on any of my 3 unfinished novels.  But I have been working on making comedic and socially conscious hip hop music.  I know that makes me sound like a d-bag, but that's okay.  What can I do?  Anyhoo, my good friend Mark and I have been been making music under the moniker Beat Salad .  So far we've only posted a fake diss song on our folk singing banjo playing friend Kelly McFarling for "dissing" New York, and an homage to the radio show Radio Lab.  We've got lots of stuff in the pipe line.  Some battle raps, a song about garbage, the elusive meaning of hip hop and the meaning of life.  You know, regular topic for rap songs.  

Where Did The Idea Come From For Your Book?

I first fell in love with rap music as a teenager and never really stopped.  The genre helped me get to know and accept people unlike myself.  Please tell the right wing media I never emulated gangsta rap or became violent.  Instead I thought and thought about poor people, black people, men, women, and my effect on them and their effect on me.


What genre does your book fall under? 
Definitely rap!  I don't take thing too seriously so we have lots of funny songs, some social commentary, and some stories.


What actors would you choose to play the part of your characters in a movie rendition?
Andy Samberg, Jon Krasinski, or Tina Fey.


What is the one sentence synopsis of your book?
Hip hop smoothed out on the comedy tip with an electronic feel appeal to it.


How long did it take you to write the first draft of the manuscript?
We haven't posted anything in awhile but lots of things in the pipeline.  2 songs in 2 years?  Yes.  8 more songs this year?  Possibly.


Who or what inspired you to write this book?
2pac, Lonely Island, and 90's hip hop.


What else about your book might pique the reader’s interest?
We have fun, love 90's music, and I reference Toni Morrison sometimes.


Will your book be self-published or represented by an agency?
self produced.

My 5 writers for next Wednesday are writers as well as filmakers, artists, houselovers, and travelers:

Chrystene Ells

Jessica Harvey-Taylor

Jen Amenti

Samantha Chanse

Gayle Romasanta

Haikus 3

the pain of the mask

the echo beneath the smile

the eye of the storm

you are just so cute

you remind me of grandma

countertransference!

a quake of the mind

the family becomes ripples

love becomes sirens

sand stuck wet eyelid

the air far away blowing

the weight pressing down

brains connects through breath
invisible wind blows leaves
far apart we blink


I am caregiver

I watch the water run low

memory dried out

acceptance me, you

the problem is the echo

because I listen

sentences eclipsed

end with raindrop ellipses

breadcrumbs in the woods

always forgetting

stream rushes over the bank

hands full of wet earth

modeling the sky

your double here from the past

lets laugh for awhile

raindrop never forms

never hits the forest floor

it's always falling


lost under the sea
swimming toward the next bubble
here in the moment


construct deconstruct
the pendulum swings here there 
then deconstruction


wow they are so smart
those white men those white men now dead
where did they get off

birth a dream a myth

a mountain shadow reaching

death late afternoon

body holds the scream

long after the sound fades away

the ears keep ringing

3 year-old alone

except for little brother

wandering streets small

becoming even then

archaic as the icebox

holding back the change

Haikus 2

flashing water light
flame within the dark ceiling
it's always midnight

waterfall of wine
sidewalk footfalls alleyway
echoing my name

the word cigarette
summertime and letting go
hungry before the bell

looking up the ground
just let me follow you down
deeper to the sound

houses upon houses
laid out dead logs after
the fire has burned out

away the river
always seems to run away
try to turn around

sand paper beat heart
drum within the ear
ring clear as a bell

wind puppet green grass
shivering shades together
remembering loss

my fecal matters
interest no one but myself
and the mirror man

stop the thought trigger
let the stream flow all around
eyes open when dry

raindrop never forms
never hits the forest floor
its always falling

birth, a dream, a myth
a mountain shadow reaching
death, late afternoon

body holds the scream
long after the sound fades away
the ears keep ringing

Haikus

I haven't been able to do much writing lately, but I did get inspired by a writing class to do a bunch of haikus.  Most of them are an attempt to distill my entire day into a few lines, using a nature metaphor.


the sky is falling
I am nowhere to be seen
looking up through glass


the monkey boys climbs
his thoughts rain never captured
by nurturing leaf


falling until death
whistling through wind and light
never to be grasped


sleep avoids my eyes
world turning below my feet
the clown stirs again


back in the hot room
words scratch like the sabertooth
finally freedom


my time with children
teaches child therapy
better than the class


day one of many
grains of sand make a desert
digging I'm thirsty


wind blows healing
inhale deeply my stomach
filling my pain


sand upon more sand
buried by fear without air
there can be no scream


my tightened center
why oh why am I hurting
water seeps over


the lovely billows
rising out above my head
begin to let go


quitting is easy
as holding my breath inside
stay quit or exhale


to another place
birds flying above the beat
my heart fills again


and like a cliche
the train pulls away from you
I only have me

John Lennon

I won’t deny the Beatle’s creativity or impact, or sheer breath of music.  Come on!  I also know it would be silly to say that John Lennon could exist, as we knew him, without the Beatles.  I am raising the question to bring your eyes to what Lennon did do, and what went beyond the Beatles in many ways, songs that the Beatles could never have done.  This isn’t to say there aren’t lots of ways the Beatles reaches heights Lennon couldn’t replicate on his own, how could anyone, but that there are new things he did on his own.

I've been wanting to write this for awhile but have been busy with school, so I'm kind of rushing this out, and maybe I'll come back to it someday.  Enjoy.

Here are 5 songs, I would call them great songs, that represent Lennon blowing the Beatles out of the water.

Imagine

Okay, I'll start with the obvious one we all know.  And maybe the Beatles would have done this song.  They did have a bunch of songs about love and peace, but this song asks to to Imagine if all these things were true, just to stop for a minute, stop lamenting it and despairing it's not true, but to just stop and Imagine we were right here in the present, without ideologies that tear us apart.  Forget the cheesy part, think about that we take for granted things like countries and religions and possessions, just think about a little bit.  There are elements of Imagine in each of the next 4 songs on the list.  This song must have influenced Michael Jackson's Man In The Mirror which continues the imagining to action on oneself.

Mother

This is one of the most devastatingly personal songs I've ever heard, and this video of photographs fits it's tempo perfectly.  Lennon seems not just to be remembering the loss of his mother at a young age, but to simultaneously the boy and the young man.  As Arcade Fire says in Wake Up, "children don't grow up our bodies get bigger but our hearts get torn up."  And that wailing at the end?  You'll never hear that kind of intensity from Paul.

Working Class Hero

Anyone still wondering if John Lennon has some extremely leftist viewpoints?  This song, sounds like a an add for communism, as many folk songs have since Woody Guthrie.  Yet something about the song makes me feel that this is done ironically.

Happy Xmas (War Is Over)

Wait!  Don't click on this video if you are sensitive!  There are many images from around the world that are depressing to say the least.  But click if you can.  This song goes beyond simply imaging to actually having a chorus of children singing "War is Over."  This song hurts so much, because it isn't true, but that's the point.  What if it was?  Somehow the imagining of it become more real because it doesn't say "imagine war is over" but simply "war is over."  It's like someone with Alzheimer's thinking they are young and healthy again, and you are watching their joy and knowing that sooner or later they will realize it's not true.  That's what this song feels like.  The images in the video remind us of the cost of it being a fantasy.

God

Regardless of your beliefs, Lennon's exploration of his own is fascinating.  From "God is a concept by which we measure our pain" to hearing Lennon's list of all the things he doesn't believe in go from universal to extremely specific and personal, this song is really about the religion of the Beatles and his refusal to be, or see anyone as, it's Christ.

The Guilt List

Ever noticed you feel bad about something but keep doing it?  Maybe it’s an addiction to a substance like drugs or alcohol.  Maybe it’s to an activity or a person.  Maybe it’s buying products that support the mistreatment of animals or farmers or children.  Could be using too much unsustainable energy by turning on the heat or driving your car too much.  Sure, you might not stop doing it, but isn’t it important to be aware?  But why would anyone want to be aware, it it makes us feel so bad.

The guilt list is my project to list and be more aware of the things I do that I feel bad about.  My goal is not to stop doing all of these, or to make everyone else stop, but to simply own an accept my actions.  Maybe I’ll come to terms with things that unconsciously bother me, and I’ll feel better.  Maybe I’ll feel worse, but at least I’ll be looking in the mirror.  One thing I do hope to do, is to look at the things I judge other people for, and to find something I do that is almost the same, but I just didn’t realize it.

Here are some examples that I’ve been thinking about recently:

-       Using animal products when the animals are mostly likely mistreated.  Sure I’m usually vegetarian, but dairy leads to cows being impregnated by a machine, than separated from their calves immediately upon birth.  The calves are then slaughtered and another machine sucks the cows milk for a year or so, then the process repeats.  Am I cool with that?  I don’t know, but I’m super cool with laughing cow cheese and Trader Joe’s New Zealand cheddar. And cow shit makes more pollution than cars, so I should be staying away from anything related right?  It sure is hard to get sweet leather free shoes though.

-       Using too much unsustainable energy.  Do I really ever need to use the dryer? But damn do I hate having my clothes hanging up all over the house if it’s cold outside.  And what about all my driving?  It saves soooo much time, and I’m not gonna live forever.

-       Buying to many things with too much packaging.  Wasted energy.  More waste in general.  Where can it all go?  But the health food store, is sooooo expensive.  Do I have to foot the bill for future generations?  I’m broke.  Unless we’re talking relative to the world, than I’m filthy rich!

-       Buying cheap items most likely made with child slave labor.  See above, I’m broke.  I got rent and stuff I need and I will have student loans to pay.  Look at all the money I can save from buying stuff some kid across the world made!

-       All these examples make me sound pretty amazing, like I’m totally aware of my impact on the planet.  But what about when I joke too much or don’t proofread, or take people for granted in my life?

...what do you feel bad about but inexplicably continue to do?  Don’t waste time feeling guilty if it makes you turn away.  Just give it a little more attention.

The Lives Of Others

Searching For A Cause

On Tuesday afternoon I took the L train downtown to go to a Practicum workshop at my school.  I got information about possibly working with grieving families, homeless children, and Native American Families.  The room, Namaste Hall, where we usually explored the depths of our souls in various drama therapy class, was crammed with a U of conference tables, well meaning people and excited students.  I had hoped to find a good place to work with the aging population, but the closest I could find was helping their families deal with their grief after the said aging people had died. 

The Train

After leaving fairly disappointed I skimmed the books at the goodwill and, feeling 0 for 2, went down to take the L home.  The train was spacious enough for me to sit by myself and lean against the wall near the window.  While listening to my ipod shuffle around my music library, I noticed an older man come in with something under his arm sit down.  Maybe I noticed him because of his adidas sneakers, which should have been on the feet of someone younger.  Then again, it is becoming more common to see older people wearing sneakers with their slacks, dress shirts, and sweater vests.  He sat down ten feet away and opened up the white package under his arm.  It appeared to be wrapped in white tissue paper.  He only unwrapped it enough to gaze at what was inside.  His face didn’t change as he leaned forward slightly.  He adjusted the package a little, as if taking in the item from all angles.  Again, I must note that his faced showed no emotion beyond an intense focus on what he was looking at.  For minutes upon minutes, stop after stop, he gazed into the unwrapped flower of paper, sometimes adjusting his weight, or tilting his head to the side, but never looking away.  I finally changed seats to see what he was looking at.  I sat a little closer when my angle was better, but I could still barely make out his treasure.  It appeared to be circular.  A plate?  A clock?  Yes, it as a clock, white with black hands and small pictures instead of numbers.  I squinted my eyes.  Birds?  Chickens?  This old man enamored with a chicken clock?  His lips parted, rubbing his chin absentmindedly as if he were looking at a difficult math equation?  As the train pulled into Castro station he quickly rewrapped the clock, stood up and left.

The Walk

Later that day as I was walking home I took a street with narrow sidewalks because they were lined with hedges.  I was almost upon them before I realized there were two people sitting on the ground, near the hedges, wrapped up in such an embrace that I couldn’t tell where one ended and the other began.  They seemed to be sitting next to each other, but facing opposite directions, leaning into each other, arms wrapped around each other’s backs, head’s on each other’s shoulders, similar dark clothes and hats, the hair of one over the back of the other.  In the falling dark it could have been two lovers, one comforting the other, a mother and child, or even none person wrapped in layers against the cold, clutching themselves.  I wondered what had occurred to form this apparition before me.  Assuming it was two people, what tragedy, or what ache, had brought them to such a still embrace?

The Church

Recently I was watching a film or reading a book that had a character going to church.  I noticed myself having a feeling I often felt, which was annoyance at how many things I come in contact with have Christian people or characters.  It wasn’t about them being bad or anything like that, it was just the sheer numbers, the inundation of seeing people experience this as if it were the norm, but it had nothing to do with my life.  I knew I had had these feeling for a long time, maybe my whole life, but had never really examined them.  I didn’t want to be a jerk and say “I’m annoyed with all these Christians!” cause how could I explain it and not sound like a jerk?  I would be lumped together with those who are annoyed with everything religious people do and I didn’t want to be seen that way.  Did I?  Then it hit me.

The Privilege

In  many of my classes we have looked closely at the privileges in our society.  If one is to be a therapist one must be aware of their preconceived notions.  For example: if I am spurned by a brown-haired lover, and feel anger towards brunettes, I better know this before I get a client with brown lox.  If I don’t my thoughts and actions will be controlled by a resentment that has nothing to do with my client.  By looking at our privileges we back the lens up to view society as a whole.  How is my life affected by things I don’t realize?  Apparently, a lot. More than the things I DO realize.  The ways we are privileged we can miss.  It’s the ways we are oppressed that we notice.  The main privileges we have discussed for Americans are; being white, male, straight, able bodied, neurologically typical, between about 20-50, accepted body type, native born, native English speaker, middle and upper class, and Christian.  If I am white, male and straight, I don’t often think of these are defining characteristics.  They are “normal.”  If I am a woman, or black, gay, in a wheelchair, or poor, these definitely form how I view myself, how I make my identity.  How could they not, when this is how society views me BEFORE it sees me as a person?

I came up on the privileged end of all of these, except the Christian one.  Okay, I have a lot of privileges, and because I’m privileged, others must be oppressed, and I’m benefiting form the oppression of others.  Hmm, something to think about.  How can I be more aware of my place in the world.  These are great things to be thinking about.  What I didn’t think of much was the one place I’m not part of the privileged group, the Christian group.  Until recently, as noted above.  And then it hit me.

The Revelation

This feeling I have, this exhaustion with being inundated with people unlike me…is this how people of color feel?  Women?  Immigrants?  People with cerebral palsy?  As academic as my understanding of oppressed groups had been, here was a tiny lens into what it actually FELT like.  So much of our arguments use the same words, but they mean different things to different people, because they FEEL different.

The Meaning.

We seem to think in analogies.  One thing is LIKE another.  Since every moment is different, everything is different, nothing is really the same or comparable, we must be thinking in analogies.  For example, if I hold up a ball and say I’m going to drop it, what will happen?  How do you know?  Have I stood before you, in this time, in this place, with this ball and dropped it before?  No, but similar examples have occurred.  We base what we think will happen on what has happened before.  The ball will fall to the floor.  If it doesn’t we are surprised.  We do this with how we view people as well.  The problem is, often we aren’t aware of it.  The next time we have a strong reaction to someone, whether in person or famous, try to race the feeling.  Don’t fear where it goes so much that you lie to yourself.  Be brave, see what it happens.